WHO DO I BELIEVE

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I gave birth to my son Paul Anthony Craig in 1969, and at the age of just turning 17, my mother and stepfather had passed just before the birth of my son. I was never given any options to keep my son and was heavily sedated because I was told i had high blood pressure, yet I left the hospital with the same BP and no medication after signing the papers. They told me that a family from the country had adopted him and he would be there first and Paul would eventually have brothers and sisters.
Six weeks later I was told that Paul had died. I went into shock and I was devistated.I believed that as he was adopted, that the adoptive parents would be the ones to bury him and again,I had no rights.
Life went on, but never forgetting my son Paul.
Then one day I couldn't cope anymore, I was on an emotional coaster ride. I wanted to see where my baby was, I wanted to visit him.
So I started searching and much to my surprise it was one full of hurt, anger and a deep sadness.
I obtained Pauls death certificate and found where he was buried, yet when I called the cemetary they had no record of him. Months later after several phone calls and letters to government departments,those in government and agencies,(Anglicare Adoption Services told me he was never adopted?!) I finally was told by the Board of Cemetaries that an audit was to take place. During this time I sought help from a professional person.
Finally after waiting for months on a result, I was told that because there is no record of Paul at the cemetary or on the funeral directors records that they (board of cemetaries) truly believe, honestly believe, that Paul is buried in the coffin of a women in a grave and if I go there they can show me where they believe he is resting.
I am constantly fighting with myself to go there, it is a memory that I do not want to have considering that there are no records After all that has happened WHO DO I BELIEVE????

 

I would never ever want anybody to go through loosing a child. This experiance has hieghted my awareness on several different issues and in the memory of my darling Paul will help fight the dicrimination against young mothers and to make sure that transparency is key