'What does it mean to be adopted?' I was asked (Part 2)

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    Being adopted means when someone does take you home and you are sexually abused it was always expected; you were destined to be a slut like your mother. You didnt wear your burka on your bike.

    Being adopted means you are second-hand, and you could be third or fourth-hand.

    Being adopted means you find hope in the tale of the Ugly Duckling. Somewhere there will be a Swan Family who will give you your own voice, because honking quacks and quaking honks dont make good music. Your skin will match and your plumage will be fashionable and your feet will fit.

    Being adopted means you want clothes with pockets, you always put something in your pocket, you know about the wicked stepmother and you dont know if thats the same as your mother, you just know some LAW made her your mother, but the law cant make her keep you. You have a map of the land in your head and you learn to memorise routes. You will find your way home.

    Being adopted means you understand why Heidi had nightmares in Claras house. Her mother died and she was re-located to other relatives in the Swiss Alps. She settled in and worked hard to be loved, but they found her a more suitable place to be. She was to be a healing companion to a disabled child in a wealthy family. Clara was cured but Heidi was hi-jacked. Being adopted means having everything a girl could want is not enough.

    Nothing will ever be enough until you look into the eyes of the woman who would have kept you if she could have kept you. Until you are told your life was not a mistake; you dont have to prove your worth day after day after day.
    Being adopted means you wait for your mother to tell you, she gave life to you, and she wants you to live it; live it no matter what. She knows your pain; it is her pain too.

    She has to believe it was all for the best.


    Being adopted means you look into and choke and look and choke in the eyes of your first born child, your first known flesh and blood. It is a myth of motherhood.