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My parents adopted 2 baby boys 9 years apart and didn't tell them they were adopted. This is the ultimate betrayal of an adoptee because when they do find out, either by accident or if someone tells them, they feel their whole life has been a lie. It can be devastating and even life threatening if the adoptee is a lot older. It's deliberate, and it's a very selfish thing to do to another person, especially if the adoptive parents die and the adoptee can't ask them what they know about their adoption, which is what happened to one of my brothers. My father took that information to the grave with him, because he had arranged both adoptions privately and he knew both of their mothers very well. This lie can destroy any feelings of love the adopted person had for their adoptive parents.

We were brainwashed from an early age, in my case I was only 4 years old, and my sister was 6. But the irony was that my oldest adopted brother who was 4 years younger than me, was in on it as well, as he was told to lie to the youngest brother. Lying to an adoptee about being adopted is deliberate. You know you are lying. Not only that but the older everyone gets the more lies you have to tell. When the adoptee marries a lot of questions are asked by the new wife and her family, and then when the children start to arrive, you are lying on an almost daily basis, especially if there is a genetic illness which is what happened to the children of the older adopted brother. Two of his children needed an operation to save their lives and the surgeon said it was genetic. I thought my mother had finally been caught out, but she covered it up by denying it and blaming it on his wife's family.

My parents made a deliberate decision to not tell my 2 adopted brothers they were adopted because they knew my older brothers mother wanted to keep him. My mother also lied to me about that, she said not to tell him because his mother didn't want him to know. We even moved interstate to prevent his mother from finding him because we had such an unusual name, which she knew.

When families don't tell the adopted person they are adopted, the whole extended family and close friends know, and keep it a secret, so there could be upwards of 100 people who know.

I convinced my parents to tell the younger brother when he was 18, but they did so to convince him to be a 'good boy', and they told him he should be 'grateful' because his 'mother didn't want him'. It destroyed him. I told my older brother when he was 39 because I knew his mother was getting older and might die and he'd never get to meet her. It took 5 years for him to accept that he was adopted, as he went into denial for most of that time. He met his mother about 5 times before she died in her sleep. So at least he knows where he came from, and undertands what happened to his mother, and she got to meet her only son and 4 beautiful grandchildren.

My mother never forgave me, and never forgave my brother for searching.