FATHERS NAMES & THE SHAMING OF MOTHERS

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    ROSALIE  

    Queensland, ST MARY'S TOOWONG

    I grew up in an adoptive family and I've been mixing in support groups for over 30 years. I feel it is incumbent on mothers to tell their stories if they can before they pass on. Perhaps a kind relative who's heard whispers could ask. With many mothers now going into Nursing Homes with dementia there is an urgent need for them to pass on the name of the father and any knowledge they have of him because a lot of this knowledge will die off with them. Even if the mother feels resentment towards him it is much better to hear the truth from her than second hand incorrect or biased information from someone else.

    Fathers names were deliberately withheld from Original Birth Certificates for a reason. If the social worker wrote down the name of the father they had to get his consent. So to expidite the adoption they omitted it

    This was a very harmful practice that has caused a great deal of distress for adoptees when they receive their OBC. It feeds into the narrative that the mother didn't know the father and calllously abandoned them. Govt depts stuck in their own prejudiced timewarp have only just released information about fathers in the past few years mainly due to pressure from adoptees which caused a great deal of trauma to them.

    Some Church run Homes deliberately told the mothers not to name the fathers. They used scare tactics telling the mothers that the father would be charged with carnal knowledge and put in jail. This was extremely rare as mostly everyone blamed the mother and didn't bother with the father who were seen as lads about town who were just sowing their wild oats. "Boys will be boys"

    It's not surprising that many mothers haven't divulged important information. Why would anyone trust people who have abused, abandoned and shamed them for decades. They believe the lies that were told to them and about them.

    THE SHAMING OF THE MOTHERS..... for decades has caused the most damage. That is why it's so difficult for mothers to have a successful reunion and it's why it's believed there are many mothers who still haven't told anyone what happened to them and will take their secret to their graves There are anectdotal stories of women with dementia in Nursing Homes, rocking back and forth, hugging dolls and saying "they took my baby". Relatives and staff think they've gone batty
    Many mothers couldn't remember a lot of things that happened to them. We went into such a state of shock that our brains shut down to protect us from a catastrophic traumatic event
    The mothers who were given copious amounts of drugs also have very little memory of what happened. Some mothers can't remember if they had a girl or a boy or what date their baby was born on. Once again the mother gets the blame and is seen as not caring. It's all stacked against the mothers and against a successful reunion
    There was research done as far back as 1938 where they knew separating mother and child at birth or older caused irreperable damage to both

     

    TIME IS RUNNING OUT ADOPTEES HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW WHO THEY ARE


    Thank you to the many mothers who have been doing unpaid research for decades that is now in The National Archives for eveyone to read