Unspeakable

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Mum had to go down stairs, walk across a yard, go to a bottle green door and knock on it. Even as I write this, I can scarcely imagine the pain she was enduring. The matron's arms out-stretched and took the baby. Mum had to leave the premises immediately. She didn't even remember getting into her sister's car as she was in such a state of trauma.

Mum was told she must never speak of this 'event' in her life. The women were told they would go home and forget all about their baby in time.

The opposite was the truth.

Mum did not speak about this trauma for 52 years. She looked for the face of her daughter in the faces of others every day. Christmases, birthdays, weddings, etc always left a big 'hole' inside of Mum … In fact, there was a permanent chasm in her soul - her beautiful Helen was missing.

As Mum spoke to me of the events of 1950, 52 years later, her hands were clawed across her chest, opening and shutting; she gave me no eye contact and the shame and trauma was crippling her more than ever. My daughter was brain damaged from pertussis vaccine – my mother blamed herself for that ... everything that happened to any of us, she blamed herself.

As the bible says, 'Children pay for the sins of their fathers to the seventh generation' … and
…. Mum believed this is what she caused to happen for her future generations.

‘The Haven' certainly did a good job in passing on their Christian values.

 

Mum was told she must never speak of this 'event' in her life