Losing My Daughter (part 7)

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Losing My Daughter
Page 7 of 18

I told the nurse that this was not true and that I wanted to see her. The nurse said she would have to see her superior. I told her not to bother about this, that I would get out of bed and see my baby. I was asked to wait. The Matron of the ward came to me and said that she understood that my baby was to be adopted and that it was not the policy of the hospital to allow mother’s to see their babies in these cases. Surely this must be seen as kidnapping, as had it happened to a mother who was married and therefore according to the thinking of the day, ‘respectable’, I imagine that this would have been a huge legal breach, so why was I different?

I told her that my daughter would be adopted over my dead body and began to get out of bed. I was still very unwell with high blood pressure so this was not advisable so she told me. This argument continued until it became clear that I wanted my child. As it happened the gynecologist who had delivered my daughter was in the hospital at that time, and he came to see me. He told the nurse to bring my baby to me. I am sure I would not have seen her had it not been for his compassion and regard for my health.

I saw my daughter for the first time when she was about five hours old. She had been delivered with high forceps and her head and face were incredibly bruised. I could not believe how lovely she was; how could I have made her. I think I fell in love for the first time that minute. I was allowed to hold her for a while, but I was very tired so she was taken back to the nursery. I was under a lot of sedation.

Later that day, my father came to see me. He was angry and threatening. He had been told that I intended to keep my daughter. He was asked to leave because my blood pressure was still dangerously high. It was to remain so for some time.

My father did not come to see me again, but he sent his girlfriend, who tried to tell me it would be better for all if I signed the papers for my daughter’s adoption. I remained steadfast in my resolve not to give her up. I could not see how anyone could ask this of me. This was my child, and she was the only lovely thing I had yet to see in my life. My flesh and blood. Many of the nursing staff and doctors treated me with scorn. I think such lack of respect and compassion for me was unforgiveable and disgraceful. I felt humiliated each time I walked to the bathroom.


Losing My Daughter, continued.