Journey to a failed reunion part 2

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In about 1957 a male member of the family appeared and I checked the telephone book and found a person of that name was living in St Helen's. After spending time to check if I wanted to go ahead, I then rang him. He took my details and said to ring him back the next night.

The next night he welcomed me to the family and said that my mother will write.

Three letters were exchanged between us and two telephone calls over 5 weeks. Then one night her sister rang and said could I leave my mother alone as she is having problems accepting I had appeared. Apparently she could not accept I was her child in her heart even though she knew I was biologically.

I cut off contact but in December of 1997 I sent her a Xmas card and the last communication I received is attached.

I was always hoping that she would let me see her but in the September of 2006 she passed away.

Many people have asked me how I felt about this rejection (albeit an understandable one) and I say honestly ‘I don't know how I felt at the time’. My wife tells me I shrugged my shoulders and got on with life as if nothing had happened.

Today I really regret not meeting her but feel very vindicated in that my own code of honour allowed her to live out her remaining years with no stress from me.

I do get upset when the mothers complain that their children hate them and refuse to see them. I know from very personal experience it is not as clear cut as that and instead of looking for scapegoats it is better to accept there are matters that cannot be changed. The real cost of adoption.

 

In about 1957 a male member of the family appeared and I checked the telephone book and found a person of that name was living in St Helen's.