Hell is the cry of a baby whose mother will never come

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My mother arrived at st Anthonys at about 4 months into her pregnacy. She had to sign a document on arrival that her intention in staying there was that she would adopt out her child, seeking sanctuary she had little choice but to sign.
I was born at St Anthonys Croydon though this was not to supposed to be the place of my birth. The young mothers were supposed to be transferred to St Margarets hospital to have their babies safely delivered by trained proffessionals.
On the day my mother went into labour she was denied access to medical treatment, she asked could an ambulance be rang , and was told by The mother superior, Sister Wilfred
"NO you havent got that look yet." whatever that look was my mothers body was telling her a different story. My mother then asked could the Dr be rang and her request was again refused this time with the words "the Dr came yesterday"
My mother spent the rest of the day working through the pain of her labour. By the time I was ready to be birthed , the nuns could hardly get my mother upstairs and onto a bed and I was born into the arms of Sister Wilfred.
An ambulance was then rang and we were transported to St Margarets hospital.
My mother and I would have a short 7 days together .
Though her breasts were bound and my mother was given a drug to suppress lactation she did get access to me and would bottle feed me , and told me that she would wet her fingers and make my hair into little wisps.
Simple acts of love.

On the 8th day after my birth we were transfered back to St Anthonys SEPARATELY, my mother in a taxi and myself ( her baby) in an ambulance , I was put into The Nursery under the supervision of a Karitane nurse and my mother was returned to the expectant mothers dormitory.My mother was never never allowed to touch me again despite the fact that she had not signed her consent to adopt me. My mother stayed at st Anthonys for a further 2 weeks and 3 days, it would take 3 weeks and 3 days after my birth for my mothers consent to be TAKEN from her,with promises that I would have a life that she could never provide, she was "discharged" the following day.
It would be 6 weeks and 6 days after my birth that I was handed to my adoptive mother, she came to pick me up alone her husband serving overseas in the Navy, mentally unstable and unable to cope her surviving children 3 male children were placed in care 2 weeks after I was placed with her. No child should have been placed with her she couldnt even cope with looking after her own surviving children.
She left before the time I was 9 .

I was a relacement child.
Delivered by the nuns into a disaster area of a life.


Adoption was a barbaric and brutal act.
My mothers and my human rights were violated when my mother was denied medical treatment when she went into labour.
The denial of access to me even though my mother had not given her consent to adopt me was an unforgivable act of the greatest cruelty.

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