Finding My Mother

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At 18 years old I married my childhood sweetheart. On the morning of my wedding my adoptive mother did a very strange thing: she gave me my adoption papers. To my surprise the papers had my mother’s full name on there for all the world to see. Was this a test? Was I meant to take them or reject them? I took them and weeks later I looked at them again. I could not believe my mother had these in her possession, nor could I believe I now had them. Believing the story that my real mother was dead I began to search through cemeteries to say hello and goodbye. I wanted to talk to where she lay to grieve her loss, my loss. I couldn’t explain it, I only felt it.
Two years on without finding her, I decided to apply for a death certificate but was denied. My argument with those in charge ended with ‘What if she is remarried?’ I hung up angry and upset only to calm down and flip into shock. What harm could a death certificate be for a dead person? I realised that my mother was alive.
I turned to the Salvation Army Family Tracing Service and they found my mother within three months. She was 55 years old. At first she did not want to correspond with me, but after a few months changed her mind, and so began a written relationship. After reading my mother’s letters about her life, her mother and my brothers, I felt like I finally had a family.
I yearned for you all my life
I never gave up the will to fight
So many lies I was fed
They even told me you were dead
So what else will I uncover?
What is the truth?
Oh please do tell mother
(Kerri)

 

At 18 years old I married my childhood sweetheart. On the morning of my wedding my adoptive mother did a very strange thing: she gave me my adoption papers.