Dark Days

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I was seventeen and had just escaped from an abusive relationship when I discovered I was pregnant to this awful man. In the beginning I ignored this possibility surely I couldn't be that unlucky, as the weeks then months passed by it was a fact I could no longer ignore. My Mother and our family doctor took hold of my situation and I was booked into a home for unwed mothers. It was 1966 and these homes were overflowing, so I was placed on a waiting list. During this time I stayed at home hiding whenever friends called to visit. In early August 1966 a place become vacant for me at a Catholic home in Carlton Melbourne, my family made the five hour trip from our country home in the western district of Victoria to take me there. I could never explain how afraid I was I didn't want to get out of the car I wanted to go home. My Mother took me in we were met by the head Nun and my Mother was asked to leave, now I was truly alone in this dark and unfriendly place. I somehow managed to make some friends and during the next few weeks made the best of this lonely scary time. During this time I was spoken to by a variety of people some of which were social workers, all spoke of the same, of my inability to raise a child as I had proven that I couldn't even take care of myself, adoption was the ONLY option. In the early hours of a day in September I went into labour and at daybreak with the permission of the Nun I walked across the road to the hospital, In all previous visits for consultations, I had to follow the blue line on this occasion I had to follow the yellow. There was no kindness offered and at 12 .10 pm without direction or words of comfort I was-delivered of a baby girl she weighed 7lbs 2 oz, prior to her birth a sheet was raised before me denying me of any sight of her, all I heard was her cry and then she was gone. Five days later I held her for a few moments before she was snatched from my arms and taken away. It was to be 29 years later before I finally met her.

 

I had no say in any of this, everybody else seem to know what was best. But I was having this baby I could feel her growing feel her moving inside me, and when she was gone just this emptiness was left inside me. I had no support no money no hope there was nothing that I could do about any of it.