Adoption is a foreign country (3)

You are here

Primary tabs

    Birth … separation … loss … limbo — these are the first transitions of an adopted person’s life. Our first defining moments hardwired into our fragile, sensory beings. It’s something non-adopted persons, and at times adoptees themselves, have difficulty grasping —understanding the sensory confusion of losing one’s mother at birth after building a deeply complex and multi-layered bond in utero—genetic, biological, historical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. After such deep seated connections are formed how could a new born infant not be traumatised and thrown into sensory confusion when permanently losing its mother after birth? Such connections lie above and outside the cold clauses of a legal instrument.

    How best to describe this? I leave it to fellow adoptee Namoi (pseudonym) who during a liminal episode in her life where she re-entered the raw emotion of her traumatic separation from her mother writes, “When I slip into that baby place, it’s too scary for a small person to cope with because for a baby, being completely on your own is death in the end. That level of fear had something to do with the sense of abandonment. In my vision quest, I wrote a poem about it. It seems to me when I read it; I can feel that space …

    Imagine an astronaut outside his ship
    Imagine his thoughts, his fears,
    Imagine his face as his lifeline breaks
    And he hurtles off alone
    In an unendingness
    Alone
    Alone
    Imagine the scream!”

     

    After such deep seated connections are formed how could a new born infant not be traumatised and thrown into sensory confusion when permanently losing its mother after birth?